Titles and Such

After happening across the disarmingly witty article title:

Five Workers Trapped in Data Mining Accident

on BBspot, I was inspired to create my own fictional article title:

Woman Finds Thumb Drive in Chili

Huzzah. Now, if only I had an article to accompany it...

Any other potentially witty articles titles using broken logic out there? The best submission wins my kudos. And it gets better: if you make a submission, you'll probably win by default.

I Sewar; Wrdo is Makign me Dyslexic

Garbage in:
Tihs isthe sentance i typde improoperly in WOrd thAt it auttomatically corrrectde as i wrtoe it.

Correct as you go out:
This is the sentence I typed improperly in Word that it automatically corrected as I wrote it.

I'm beginning to think that I'm getting dependant on Word. When I write things on paper or in notepad nowadays, they seem to come out more like the first sentence. By the time office 2010 comes out, you won't have to even type individual words anymore, just a jumble of letters and it will automatically anagram it out for you.

me:
"thosoicnutthdogercomaolonnmueaiarordtewinicftwofmic"

Word 2010:
"Did you mean to say: 'I can no longer communicate without the aid of Microsoft Word'?"

Revenge is a dish best served...

...with broccoli

It's Official

I skipped
TUESDAY ULTIMATE,
to create a
TUESDAY BLOOM
myspace page.
Is there a coincidence?
perhaps, perhaps not.




You'll have to see for yourself

www.myspace.com/tuesdaybloom

Straight from Ed's Inbox...

Don't let ED affect your sex life! ED affects the lives of many middle-aged men and their partners to one degree or another. ED, formerly called impotence, refers to the inability to obtain an adequate erection for satisfactory sexual activity. See our site!

It's a Sign

For the Fans...

I received an anonymous complaint that you can't post as "anonymous" on this blog. So I've enabled that option, so our legions of fan out there can comment more easily.

(yes, typo intended)

Patty vs Puck Mouse

VS

(Big Mac vs. iMac (G3))

Packaging:

iMac - Comes in attractive, small box. Easy to unpack

Big Mac - Comes in attractive, small box. Easy to unpack

Winner: tie

Contents:

iMac - Contains files

Big Mac - May contain flies
Winner: iMac

Processing Power:

iMac - Processes up to 233 000 000 instructions per second

Big Mac - Contains highly processed beef, processed cheese, and special sauce

Big Macs are no stranger to processing, but the iMac has it beat in terms of pure number crunching ability...
Winner: iMac

Cores:

iMac - Contains a single core processor

Big Mac - Has a unique "dual patty" architecture
Winner: Big Mac

Interface:

Big Mac - Has an ergonomic-friendly, grippable shape, and simple bite-and-chew interface

iMac - Input is controlled by this monstrosity. Apparently, "Apple had to put a notch in later versions so that users could figure out where the button was"
Winner: Big Mac

Upgradeability:

iMacs - Very limited. You might be able to buy a better mouse if you're lucky

Big Mac - Double meat, extra pickles, and meal upgrades all available
Winner: Big Mac

Nutritional Value:

iMac - none

Big Mac - none
Winner: tie

Market Penetration:

Big Mac - Billions and billions served

iMac - I think I, uh, had a friend, who, uh, knew someone who, uh, went to a school where they had a Mac in their computer lab

Winner: Big Mac

Creepiness of Spokesperson:

iMac - Steve Jobs. Balding man who likes Macs

Big Mac - Ronald McDonald. Clown in a yellow jumpsuit and a permanent smile painted on his face

Winnner: The Burger King guy with the plastic head.

Wait... a... minute...

Safety:

iMac - iMacs will cause the world to end - 730 000 hits on Google

Big Mac - Big Macs will cause the world to end - 1 310 000 hits on Google
Clearly, Big Macs are an immediate threat to humanity's existence.

Winner: iMac

Slogan of parent company:

iMac - "iThink therefore iMac"

Big Mac - "I'm lovin' it"
For avoiding excessive use of apostraphes, iMac takes this one
Winner: iMac

Results:

It was a tight race, and the results are in:

iMac - 4

Big Mac - 4

Burger King guy - 1

Tiebreaker - Coin Toss:
I chose iMac to be Heads and Big Mac to be tails and flipped a coin 743 times:

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

Results:Heads (iMac) - 352, Tails (Big Mac) - 391

WINNER:BIG MAC
So next time you're faced with the choice between outdated computer equipment or improper nutrition, just remember: "You're lovin' it"

I think I'm getting hungry...

Two doctors, a leprechaun, and a giraffe walk into a bar...

So I'm going to have to say that this joke more or less takes the cake for the most effort required on the part of the both the teller and listener, with the least payoff:

The Big Brown Bear Joke (http://users.ox.ac.uk/~archery/old/jokes.html#bear)

A big brown bear walks into a beefsteak bar and says to the barman, "Barman, bring me a beer."

The barman says, "I'm sorry sir, this is a beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears."

So the bear goes, "Grrrrr! Barman, bring me a beer!" and belches broadly.

The barman says, "I'm sorry sir, this is a beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears, and we certainly don't bring beer to bears who belch broadly."

So the bear goes, "Grrrrr! Barman, bring me a beer!" and starts behaving badly.

The barman says, "I'm sorry sir, this is a beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears, and we certainly don't bring beer to bears who belch broadly, and we definitely don't bring beer to bears who behave badly."

So the bear goes, "Grrrrr! Barman, bring me a beer!" and badmouths the barman.

The barman says, "I'm sorry sir, this is a beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears, and we certainly don't bring beer to bears who belch broadly, and we definitely don't bring beer to bears who behave badly, and we refuse to bring beer to bears who badmouth the barman."

So the bear goes, "Grrrrr! Barman, bring me a beer!" and breaks a beaker.

The barman says, "I'm sorry sir, this is a beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears, and we certainly don't bring beer to bears who belch broadly, and we definitely don't bring beer to bears who behave badly, and we refuse to bring beer to bears who badmouth the barman, and we never bring beer to bears who break beakers."

So the bear goes, "Grrrrr! Barman, bring me a beer!" and takes a bite out of the bar.

The barman says, "I'm sorry sir, this is a beefsteak bar. We don't bring beer to big brown bears, and we certainly don't bring beer to bears who belch broadly, and we definitely don't bring beer to bears who behave badly, and we refuse to bring beer to bears who badmouth the barman, and we never bring beer to bears who break beakers, and under no circumstances will we bring beer to bears who take drugs."

"Eh?" says the bear, somewhat surprised. "I don't take drugs."

"Really?" says the barman. "What about that bar bit you ate?"

Imposter!

I've been alerted by an informant that this man is posing as a Kavanaut. We would like to officially state that he is not a Kavanaut, nor even a Kavanaut-in-Training. Please disregard any claims or statemants he may make regarding the C-unit, or about Kavanauts in general. We will be meeting to discuss the rammifications of his false claim, as well as to decide on possible further action regarding this issue.

Size Matters

Well, cluster size anyways:

But, then again, what kind of loser is going to create thousands of files containing only one byte of information...

Eyes the B'y

So I picked up a Canon SD1000 digital still camera from Best Buy for my friends, and I was playing around with it last night to check out its new features. Aside from being generally impressed by it (in particular, the low-light performance), one feature that caught my eye was its facial recognition system. Basically, the camera analyzes whatever it's looking at and tracks any faces it finds in the viewfinder in real time. Naturally, myself and Jon had to try to see if we could fool it, but despite our best efforts... well, the data will tell the tale:

No:




Nope:



Adding a third dimension didn't seem to help:



Despite Jon's lovely artwork, still no luck:





At this point, I don't know how we can get much more human:

Apparently this only counts in Doonesbury land:

Still nothing:

Failure, despite the expert addition of some skin tone and facial features:

Success!

So it would seem that Canon did their homework on the facial recognition algorithm. Kudos, Cannon. Kudos.

"nauts"

I may stand corrected. According to Wikipedia:

"An aquanaut is any individual who travels underwater, or sometimes, one who has lived and worked in a fixed underwater habitat on the seafloor or other underwater location for a period equal to or greater than 24 continuous hours without returning to the surface."

Given the upswing (from nothing to something, I suppose) in the space tourism industry, and the small likelihood that I'll ever want spend 24 hours under water (barring major icecap meltage), I now consider it equally improbable that I'll become either an aquanaut or an astronaut.

Not all is lost, however, as I now take this opportunity to lay down some solid guidelines for what it takes to become a Kavanaut:

"A Kavanaut is any resident of the C unit who has consumed, at minimum, half a shot of Polish plum brandy, while being an occupant of the C unit for a period equal to, or greater than, 12 continuous hours without returning to the real world."

Dare ye enter? Arr...

First Post

Well, I finally bit the bullet and did it. After months of threatening to write my own blogging pages for my website, I realized that I never get anything done, so I've created a blog on Blogspot. I don't really have any clear ideas of what's coming, but the first couple of posts that pushed me to actually register a blog deal mostly with random ideas that I think are funny, or cool, as well as the ever exciting goings-on of the C unit.

For those of you unaware, I live in unit C of a fourplex with two other guys, and the letter "C" has become an inescapable part of everyday life. As a result, we had a number of "C" themed parties, such as the "Great Big C", "C is for Christmas", "C is for Chocolate", "C is for Charite", and most recently, the "C is for Clover Leaf" parties.

As for Kavanaut.... that arose from a mispelling of our street name on some errant mail for the previous occupants of our lovely quarterplex. So we figured it would be cool to become Kavanauts, since astronaut and, to a lesser degree, aquanaut are all but out of the question.