Patty vs Puck Mouse

VS

(Big Mac vs. iMac (G3))

Packaging:

iMac - Comes in attractive, small box. Easy to unpack

Big Mac - Comes in attractive, small box. Easy to unpack

Winner: tie

Contents:

iMac - Contains files

Big Mac - May contain flies
Winner: iMac

Processing Power:

iMac - Processes up to 233 000 000 instructions per second

Big Mac - Contains highly processed beef, processed cheese, and special sauce

Big Macs are no stranger to processing, but the iMac has it beat in terms of pure number crunching ability...
Winner: iMac

Cores:

iMac - Contains a single core processor

Big Mac - Has a unique "dual patty" architecture
Winner: Big Mac

Interface:

Big Mac - Has an ergonomic-friendly, grippable shape, and simple bite-and-chew interface

iMac - Input is controlled by this monstrosity. Apparently, "Apple had to put a notch in later versions so that users could figure out where the button was"
Winner: Big Mac

Upgradeability:

iMacs - Very limited. You might be able to buy a better mouse if you're lucky

Big Mac - Double meat, extra pickles, and meal upgrades all available
Winner: Big Mac

Nutritional Value:

iMac - none

Big Mac - none
Winner: tie

Market Penetration:

Big Mac - Billions and billions served

iMac - I think I, uh, had a friend, who, uh, knew someone who, uh, went to a school where they had a Mac in their computer lab

Winner: Big Mac

Creepiness of Spokesperson:

iMac - Steve Jobs. Balding man who likes Macs

Big Mac - Ronald McDonald. Clown in a yellow jumpsuit and a permanent smile painted on his face

Winnner: The Burger King guy with the plastic head.

Wait... a... minute...

Safety:

iMac - iMacs will cause the world to end - 730 000 hits on Google

Big Mac - Big Macs will cause the world to end - 1 310 000 hits on Google
Clearly, Big Macs are an immediate threat to humanity's existence.

Winner: iMac

Slogan of parent company:

iMac - "iThink therefore iMac"

Big Mac - "I'm lovin' it"
For avoiding excessive use of apostraphes, iMac takes this one
Winner: iMac

Results:

It was a tight race, and the results are in:

iMac - 4

Big Mac - 4

Burger King guy - 1

Tiebreaker - Coin Toss:
I chose iMac to be Heads and Big Mac to be tails and flipped a coin 743 times:

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

Results:Heads (iMac) - 352, Tails (Big Mac) - 391

WINNER:BIG MAC
So next time you're faced with the choice between outdated computer equipment or improper nutrition, just remember: "You're lovin' it"

I think I'm getting hungry...