Sunday, April 15, 2007

Patty vs Puck Mouse

VS

(Big Mac vs. iMac (G3))



Packaging:
iMac - Comes in attractive, small box. Easy to unpack
Big Mac - Comes in attractive, small box. Easy to unpack
Winner: tie

Contents:
iMac - Contains files
Big Mac - May contain flies
Winner: iMac

Processing Power:
iMac - Processes up to 233 000 000 instructions per second
Big Mac - Contains highly processed beef, processed cheese, and special sauce
Big Macs are no stranger to processing, but the iMac has it beat in terms of pure number crunching ability...
Winner: iMac

Cores:
iMac - Contains a single core processor
Big Mac - Has a unique "dual patty" architecture
Winner: Big Mac

Interface:
Big Mac - Has an ergonomic-friendly, grippable shape, and simple bite-and-chew interface
iMac - Input is controlled by this monstrosity. Apparently, "Apple had to put a notch in later versions so that users could figure out where the button was"
Winner: Big Mac

Upgradeability:
iMacs - Very limited. You might be able to buy a better mouse if you're lucky
Big Mac - Double meat, extra pickles, and meal upgrades all available
Winner: Big Mac

Nutritional Value:
iMac - none
Big Mac - none
Winner: tie

Market Penetration:
Big Mac - Billions and billions served
iMac - I think I, uh, had a friend, who, uh, knew someone who, uh, went to a school where they had a Mac in their computer lab
Winner: Big Mac

Creepiness of Spokesperson:
iMac - Steve Jobs. Balding man who likes Macs
Big Mac - Ronald McDonald. Clown in a yellow jumpsuit and a permanent smile painted on his face
Winnner: The Burger King guy with the plastic head.
Wait... a... minute...

Safety:
iMac - iMacs will cause the world to end - 730 000 hits on Google
Big Mac - Big Macs will cause the world to end - 1 310 000 hits on Google
Clearly, Big Macs are an immediate threat to humanity's existence.
Winner: iMac

Slogan of parent company:
iMac - "iThink therefore iMac"
Big Mac - "I'm lovin' it"
For avoiding excessive use of apostraphes, iMac takes this one
Winner: iMac

Results:
It was a tight race, and the results are in:
iMac - 4
Big Mac - 4
Burger King guy - 1
Tiebreaker - Coin Toss:
I chose iMac to be Heads and Big Mac to be tails and flipped a coin 743 times:

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

Results:Heads (iMac) - 352, Tails (Big Mac) - 391

WINNER:BIG MAC
So next time you're faced with the choice between outdated computer equipment or improper nutrition, just remember: "You're lovin' it"

I think I'm getting hungry...


2 comments:

Doogie said...

Now that you're done with it, can I have my loonie back?

Ed said...

It kind of... overheated

Actually, on the 744th toss, it landed on its edge and warped to another dimension.